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May 2022 Newsletter

Some offers you should refuse... (but not this month's competition!)

When Fetchit calls a ‘Family’ meeting in the Doxbond boardroom, the others find him wearing a pinstripe suit with a red rose buttonhole and the name plaque ‘DON FETCHIT CORLEBONE’ in front of him. ‘I understand,’ he mumbles, ‘that some of our “competitors” are tying customers into long-term contracts for shredding and confidential waste.’


‘You mean,’ says Indexit, ‘making them offers they should’ve refused?’


‘Uh-huh,’ growls Fetchit. ‘Now some of those guys have come to us for help. They like our quality of service. Want fairer, more transparent pricing. Most times we can help, but…’ He shrugs unhappily.


‘But they should’ve come to us first!’ growls Shreddit. ‘We’d have given them a first-year contract, and after that they could stay with us or move on. But most don’t. Because they like us. Not because we’re tying them into a deal they can’t get out of.’


‘And we don’t even ask for a first-year contract with our sack services,’ barks Indexit indignantly.


‘For thirty years, we’ve always been the good guys. That’s never going to change!’


‘Too right!’ yaps Shreddit. ‘We’ll never be the confidential waste Mafia!


So – sorry, Fetchit – if they’re the Mafia, why are you dressed like that?’


‘Second point of business,’ smiles Fetchit. ‘To mark our thirtieth anniversary, because it was May 1992 when Doxbond officially opened… meet your new sister!’


And he reveals the bright-eyed little rescue puppy sitting behind him. ‘So… we’re all going to be godfathers!’ yaps Shreddit. “What are we going to call her?”


‘That’s our new competition,’ says Fetchit.

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